Synopsis: Everyone gets their happy ending, Katherine is defeated, Mystic Falls is saved, but one of the Salvatore brothers dies in the process. As they say, all good things must come to an end. Then there’s the The Vampire Diaries. I know that I’ve been rough on this show, but it’s […]
The Vampire Diaries: We’re Planning a June Wedding Recap
Synopsis: Caroline and Stefan get married and Bonnie maybe dies. No Katherine, so what does it really matter? You can’t just tease Katherine Pierce’s reappearance and not deliver. Which is precisely what this episode does. Welcome to The Vampire Diaries: Wedding Planner Edition. If I wanted to watch wedding drama and leaf […]
The Vampire Diaries: It’s Been a Hell of a Ride Recap
Synopsis: The boys kill the Devil while Kai tries to kill the twinspawn. The alternative title for this episode is “Deus Ex Machina” for how ridiculously contrived it is. Here’s a tip to make this show more palatable: every time you think oh, how convenient, take a shot. Or maybe don’t […]
The Vampire Diaries: The Lies will Catch up to You Recap
Synopsis: Caroline cleans up Stefan’s murder-y mess while he’s out getting nearly murdered himself. Bonnie tries to contact her dead boyfriend but her cell reception sucks. Kai runs amok before deciding to play hide-and-seek with Elena’s casket. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? It’s almost as if the writers heard my complaints about […]
The Vampire Diaries: What Are You? Recap
Synopsis: Matt discovers how to kill Cade; Bonnie loses herself to grief; Kai returns. Welcome to another wasted hour of my life spent chronicling The Vampire Diaries, the show that refuses to go gently into the night. On this week’s episode, Matt goes into a psychic trance where he channels his annoying ancestors to […]
The Vampire Diaries: An Eternity of Misery Recap
Synopsis: We learn the origin story of the Sirens (!) while Damon goes on a treasure hunt that ends with maiming Matt’s father. First things first: are you a village girl or an island girl? Shout out to our girl Sybil for giving Buzzfeed the perfect quiz headline. Also shout out […]
The Vampire Diaries Retrospective
Well, folks, this is it. After 7 seasons of vampy-witchy-Original-heretic-Newcomer-traveller-Anchor-werewolf-doppelganger ridiculousness, at long last, everything is finally ending. Oh, how far we’ve come from the story of Elena Gilbert, the girl who just lost her parents and discovered the hot, new kid in school is supernatural. Seriously though. This show has gotten so […]
The Vampire Diaries: Moonlight on the Bayou Recap
Synopsis: Stefan’s on the run from Rayna and his travels take him to the Big Easy, where he encounters Klaus. In the meantime, Caroline’s having trouble letting go of her twinspawn, and Enzo’s in deep with another secret society. Rating: ★★★☆☆ (for insufficient Klaroline) You heard all the promos right, […]
The Vampire Diaries: Postcards from the Edge Recap
Synopsis: Damon’s all twisty angsty inside after he torched Elena’s body last week so he decides to throw his death wish in Julian’s face. Fight Club ensues. Oh, and Caroline’s devil twinspawn is slowly killing her and the Huntress reawakens. Rating:★★★☆☆ So this episode is all about Damon’s demons, which […]
The Vampire Diaries: Things We Lost in the Fire Recap
Synopsis: Damon’s post hell experience does not go smoothly. In fact, he might have torched Elena’s comatose body while hallucinating. Rating:????? Well, I guess we’re just burning the corpse of the show’s flagship character now. That’s cool. Let’s just let any hope of Nina Dobrev’s return go down in flames. […]
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