Synopsis: Everyone gets their happy ending, Katherine is defeated, Mystic Falls is saved, but one of the Salvatore brothers dies in the process. As they say, all good things must come to an end. Then there’s the The Vampire Diaries. I know that I’ve been rough on this show, but it’s […]
The Vampire Diaries: We’re Planning a June Wedding Recap
Synopsis: Caroline and Stefan get married and Bonnie maybe dies. No Katherine, so what does it really matter? You can’t just tease Katherine Pierce’s reappearance and not deliver. Which is precisely what this episode does. Welcome to The Vampire Diaries: Wedding Planner Edition. If I wanted to watch wedding drama and leaf […]
The Vampire Diaries: It’s Been a Hell of a Ride Recap
Synopsis: The boys kill the Devil while Kai tries to kill the twinspawn. The alternative title for this episode is “Deus Ex Machina” for how ridiculously contrived it is. Here’s a tip to make this show more palatable: every time you think oh, how convenient, take a shot. Or maybe don’t […]
The Vampire Diaries: The Lies will Catch up to You Recap
Synopsis: Caroline cleans up Stefan’s murder-y mess while he’s out getting nearly murdered himself. Bonnie tries to contact her dead boyfriend but her cell reception sucks. Kai runs amok before deciding to play hide-and-seek with Elena’s casket. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? It’s almost as if the writers heard my complaints about […]
The Vampire Diaries: What Are You? Recap
Synopsis: Matt discovers how to kill Cade; Bonnie loses herself to grief; Kai returns. Welcome to another wasted hour of my life spent chronicling The Vampire Diaries, the show that refuses to go gently into the night. On this week’s episode, Matt goes into a psychic trance where he channels his annoying ancestors to […]
The Vampire Diaries: You Made a Choice to be Good Recap
Synopsis: The gang chase each other around in circles when the Devil comes to town. Stefan decides to take matters into his own hands and kill Elena to bend Damon to his will. (But only because the writers finally had the guts to kill off a main character.) **Spoilers ahead** […]
The Vampire Diaries: Nostalgia’s A Bitch Recap
Synopsis: After we spend the episode Eternal Sunshining through Damon’s subconscious, we learn that all anyone ever really needs is to forgive and be forgiven. This show is becoming like a 4th wall breaking homage to its own terribleness. Graduate students will be writing dissertations for years about how this show went south, then became self-aware […]
The Vampire Diaries: The Simple Intimacy of the Near Touch Recap
Synopsis: The gang tries to get all the pieces to assemble the magical bell weapon while Stefan causes a little chaos at the Miss Mystic Falls pageant. Remember Miss Mystic Falls? The scene where Damon whisks Elena off her feet and onto the dance floor and they fall in love? […]
The Vampire Diaries: We Have History Together Recap
Synopsis: Sybil decides to take Caroline on a field trip to find a missing bell, while Stefan and Damon lure a doctor to her death for Cade. I’m counting down the episodes until this show is over. Nothing happens this episode, it’s just setting us up for a big reveal […]
The Vampire Diaries: Detoured on Some Random Backwoods Path to Hell Recap
Synopsis: Selene kidnaps the twinspawn as an offering to Cade, hoping that he’ll set her and her sister free in return for the twins’ lifetime of servitude. Damon has other plans. I did not get nearly enough Caroline out of the episode that Julie Plec kept touting as ‘Candice King’s best episode […]
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