Synopsis: We learn the origin story of the Sirens (!) while Damon goes on a treasure hunt that ends with maiming Matt’s father. First things first: are you a village girl or an island girl? Shout out to our girl Sybil for giving Buzzfeed the perfect quiz headline. Also shout out […]
The Vampire Diaries Retrospective
Well, folks, this is it. After 7 seasons of vampy-witchy-Original-heretic-Newcomer-traveller-Anchor-werewolf-doppelganger ridiculousness, at long last, everything is finally ending. Oh, how far we’ve come from the story of Elena Gilbert, the girl who just lost her parents and discovered the hot, new kid in school is supernatural. Seriously though. This show has gotten so […]
The Vampire Diaries: Moonlight on the Bayou Recap
Synopsis: Stefan’s on the run from Rayna and his travels take him to the Big Easy, where he encounters Klaus. In the meantime, Caroline’s having trouble letting go of her twinspawn, and Enzo’s in deep with another secret society. Rating: ★★★☆☆ (for insufficient Klaroline) You heard all the promos right, […]
The Vampire Diaries: Postcards from the Edge Recap
Synopsis: Damon’s all twisty angsty inside after he torched Elena’s body last week so he decides to throw his death wish in Julian’s face. Fight Club ensues. Oh, and Caroline’s devil twinspawn is slowly killing her and the Huntress reawakens. Rating:★★★☆☆ So this episode is all about Damon’s demons, which […]
The Vampire Diaries: Things We Lost in the Fire Recap
Synopsis: Damon’s post hell experience does not go smoothly. In fact, he might have torched Elena’s comatose body while hallucinating. Rating:????? Well, I guess we’re just burning the corpse of the show’s flagship character now. That’s cool. Let’s just let any hope of Nina Dobrev’s return go down in flames. […]
The Vampire Diaries: Hell is Other People Recap
Synopsis: Damon’s hell is a repetitive loop of a Confederate mission gone south (hah) and he may or may not escape depending on how **Inceptive** the writers decide to make the second half of the season. Rating: ★★★☆☆ Normally I’m not a huge fan of Groundhog Day-esque hellscapes where the […]
The Vampire Diaries: Cold as Ice Recap
Synopsis: Stefan and Damon hunt Julian, only to be caught and forced into the Phoenix Stone. Caroline freaks out about having Alaric’s babies. Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ Well that was one of the weakest mid-season finales in Vampire Diaries history. This episode was fairly unremarkable — we’ve got a story going in […]
The Vampire Diaries: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me Recap
Synopsis: Nora and Mary Louise celebrate their anniversary while Lily plots to kill Julian. After a betrayal ruins Lily’s plans, Lily stabs herself. In the meantime, Caroline tells Stefan she’s pregnant. He does not handle it very well. Rating: ★★★☆☆ I read an article on how this episode supposedly empowered […]
The Vampire Diaries: Mommie Dearest Recap
Synopsis: The Salvatore brothers kidnap their mother to show her how her relationship with Julian is abusive, just like her relationship with their father. Meanwhile, Enzo and Julian fight a duel for Lily, Caroline tries to figure out if she’s really pregnant, and Matt tries to save the room full […]
The Vampire Diaries: Best Served Cold Recap
Synopsis: Yeah so Caroline is pregnant with Ric’s witchspawn and apparently nothing really mattered these past 6 seasons in terms of relationship continuity. Oh, and Lily throws a party. Rating: ????? I keep restarting this recap because all I can write are rants filled with curse words in SHOUTY CAPITALS. […]
English