Synopsis: Caroline cleans up Stefan’s murder-y mess while he’s out getting nearly murdered himself. Bonnie tries to contact her dead boyfriend but her cell reception sucks. Kai runs amok before deciding to play hide-and-seek with Elena’s casket. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? It’s almost as if the writers heard my complaints about […]
The Vampire Diaries: What Are You? Recap
Synopsis: Matt discovers how to kill Cade; Bonnie loses herself to grief; Kai returns. Welcome to another wasted hour of my life spent chronicling The Vampire Diaries, the show that refuses to go gently into the night. On this week’s episode, Matt goes into a psychic trance where he channels his annoying ancestors to […]
Riverdale (Or Why I Just Can’t Quit You, CW)
The CW has been pushing Riverdale‘s premiere really hard the past couple of weeks, or maybe it just seemed that way because targeted advertising has my number like never before. I’m here to tell you: it’s worth the hype. Riverdale is a fresh update on the characters from the Archie Comic universe. […]
The Vampire Diaries: An Eternity of Misery Recap
Synopsis: We learn the origin story of the Sirens (!) while Damon goes on a treasure hunt that ends with maiming Matt’s father. First things first: are you a village girl or an island girl? Shout out to our girl Sybil for giving Buzzfeed the perfect quiz headline. Also shout out […]
The Vampire Diaries: Moonlight on the Bayou Recap
Synopsis: Stefan’s on the run from Rayna and his travels take him to the Big Easy, where he encounters Klaus. In the meantime, Caroline’s having trouble letting go of her twinspawn, and Enzo’s in deep with another secret society. Rating: ★★★☆☆ (for insufficient Klaroline) You heard all the promos right, […]
iZombie: Physician, Heal Thy Selfie Recap
Synopsis: There’s a new player in the Utopium game, and it takes all episode for Liv to figure out that it’s Blaine. In the meantime, Liv’s on social media mogul brains and trying to figure out Drake’s past. Rating: ★★★☆☆ So Liv’s on social media brains this week, which is […]
The Vampire Diaries: Things We Lost in the Fire Recap
Synopsis: Damon’s post hell experience does not go smoothly. In fact, he might have torched Elena’s comatose body while hallucinating. Rating:????? Well, I guess we’re just burning the corpse of the show’s flagship character now. That’s cool. Let’s just let any hope of Nina Dobrev’s return go down in flames. […]
izombie: Fifty Shades of Grey Matter Recap
Synopsis: So many people sleep with the wrong people. Like. So. Many. People. Liv hooks up with the weird drug dealer and Peyton gets it on with Blaine. Oh, and the team also solves a lusty librarian’s murder, I guess. Rating: ★★★★★ Before we begin, I’d like to start with […]
The Vampire Diaries: Hell is Other People Recap
Synopsis: Damon’s hell is a repetitive loop of a Confederate mission gone south (hah) and he may or may not escape depending on how **Inceptive** the writers decide to make the second half of the season. Rating: ★★★☆☆ Normally I’m not a huge fan of Groundhog Day-esque hellscapes where the […]
iZombie: Method Head Recap
Synopsis: Liv gets back in Babineaux’s good graces just in time to help solve a murder on the set of a popular zombie tv series. Major infiltrates Max Rager. Rating: ★★★★★ I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this show is best when it doesn’t take itself too […]
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