The Vampire Diaries Retrospective

Well, folks, this is it.

After 7 seasons of vampy-witchy-Original-heretic-Newcomer-traveller-Anchor-werewolf-doppelganger ridiculousness, at long last, everything is finally ending.

Oh, how far we’ve come from the story of Elena Gilbert, the girl who just lost her parents and discovered the hot, new kid in school is supernatural.

You probably didn’t even notice, reader. But I don’t blame you. It’s too freakin’ complicated to remember all the magicky nonsense.

So here’s my grand retrospective/season recap to the show that was once great, then terrible, then okay, then seriously awesome, then unwatchable, then redeemable, then terrible again. I love/hate this show so goddamn much.

I pour one out for you, fans who have followed this journey to its bitter end. Every time we thought we would leave, there’s a thread of spectacular narrative pulling us back in.

• Bonners got killed and then revived by Raina Cruz/Hunter magic so that she has the Hunter curse and really, really wants to kill all her vampire friends. Of all the characters I would have kept on as regulars in this series, Bonnie was never one of them.
• Caroline is playing house with Alaric and her not-her-witchy-twin offspring even though she still pines for Stefan. We hope for a June wedding (side note: did you know I spelled Stefan’s name wrong for like an entire season in my recaps? Ah. Good times.).
• Elena is still in a magic coma until Bonnie dies.
• Damon and Enzo saved Bonnie from her Hunter curse, but got possessed by some new evil thing that’s making them murder a ton of people.
• Matt manages to be the most annoying character on television. Now, with a sheriff’s badge.
• Oh, and Stefan is still a whiny ninny with lots of man pain.

Cool. Now you’re all caught up, let’s all mourn the real loss of this show. Whoops. Not narrative coherence – I meant the music.

My iPod is full of songs from The Vampire Diaries – from Bloodstream to Golden Casket and Bad Habit and so many, many more, I will genuinely miss this show’s playlist fodder.

All jokes aside, this has been my longest relationship with a show, so I’m a little sad that it’s ending, but everything is so different than it once was. Elena’s gone and possibly never coming back along with so many other characters we grew to love (and we’re still left with irritating Matt and Bonnie).

After 7 seasons, I have no idea how the writers will bring this one home to an emotionally satisfying ending. But here’s to the final season of no-mercy recaps for Nerdophiles and the inevitable loss of one of the best teen-supernatural-dramas-that-aren’t-Teen-Wolf on network television.