No Tomorrow: There’s No Crying in Baseball Recap

Synopsis for 1×2: In No Tomorrow’s second episode, Evie and Xavier work through some issues and they take a plunge. Timothy takes a walk on the wild side and Cousin Jesse gets a new look.

The episode starts with some recaps. Evie fills in her sister Mary Anne on her relationship with Xavier and Xavier tells Jesse how he feels about Evie. Xavier pulls out his Apocalyst and crosses off Free Jesse from jail. That’s one thing for the day.

Cut to the next thing on Evie’s list: car sex!! I think we’ve all had that on one list or another. And we call can agree with Evie: not enough leg room. Evie, ever the cautious one, asks Xavier if he has a plan for his fugitive cousin. Xavier assures her that he does and he uses his catchphrase of the episode: he’s family.

During a staff wide briefing, Deirdre introduces an outside firm, Excessive Solutions, that will be evaluating every person at CyberMart. Kareema makes some great puns about how sexy she finds the suits. She’s quickly becoming my favorite character. But Evie sees the suits and starts to freak out. Whenever she has to speak in front of a group of people, she freezes. She can’t even play the game Heads Up without freaking out.

Evie’s not the only one with work problems. Her dad is trying to get Salesman of the Year; he always loses. Mary Anne buys a toaster and calls Evie for backup. Mary Anne reminds me of Megan Mullaly or Rachael Harris.

Evie and Xavier have an adorable date, looking at star projections in Xavier’s living room. The romantic evening is ruined by Jesse lugging a recliner into the living room. Xavier’s plan is for Jesse to live in the basement for the next 8 months. Not the greatest of plans. Once again, Xavier’s freestyling life choices clash with Evie’s play-it-safe ideals. She’s not happy about Xavier harboring a fugitive. But Xavier, always calm and collected, attempts to reassure her. For the millionth time, I think about how incredibly attractive Xavier is.

The next day, Evie seriously considers turning in Jesse. She asks Hank and Kareema for advice using the analogy of illegal pets. It doesn’t fly. But Hank does this thing I love which is using his whole hands for air quotes. Hank also checks in on how Xavier is doing and Evie gives him reason to doubt that it’s all peachy keen. So Hank does what every good bro would do. He calls Timothy to let him know that “X does NOT mark the spot.”

Jesse gets a fake driver’s license and disguises himself with a wig. Since the name Steve Harvey is already taken, he decides to be Harvey Stevens from Iowa. To pay for the fake, he heads to the garage where Xavier has saved all his stuff. Inside an old crate, Jesse has thousands of dollars that he got from embezzling. They also find an old time capsule from 1995. There’s old beer, baseball cards and a video cassette from Xavier’s mom. Xavier is clearly distressed by the find.

At Cybermart, Deirdre deigns to have lunch with Evie, Kareema, and Hank. “I know I’m on the boss, but I’m trying to get in touch with my ordinary side,” is her way of appealing to the group. Via text, Evie coaches Deidre in how to be nice. Which doesn’t work so well when Deidre reveals that she can tie a cherry stem with her tongue. This is not only against HR rules, but it’s also such an old go-to trope. Clearly this line was written by a man. Either way, Hank is creeped out.

After work , Timothy makes an attempt to reconnect with Evie. He arrives at her home and brings her some stuff that she left behind at his place. Timothy is trying so hard to make a play at her, and it’s just not working. His last attempt is by having her get the battery out of her fire alarm. When he starts comparing himself to the dangerous Xavier, Evie tells him “you made me feel safe.” Puns about sparks ensue. Timothy calls Hank thinking that he still might have a shot.

Evie spends the weekend reading a book on how to ace an interview. Her headphones are on and she is deep in hyper-analytical concentration when Xavier climbs through her window. Evie was so deep in thought she never answered the front door (whoops!). Xavier makes a deal with her: if he and Jesse help with her interview skills, will she go on an adventure with them?

By help, he means that Jesse, a former financial advisor, grill her in a mock interview. When that tactic doesn’t work, they try baseball. “You’re too in your head,” Xavier tells her as he starts throwing balls at her and having her answer questions. This tactic does work. That is, until Evie hits a ball straight into Jesse’s face. At least that will help with the disguise!

Timothy and Hank go shopping for a “bad boy” outfit. Timothy comes out looking like an indie hipster, but at least he has Xavier’s buddha beads! They even go so far as to pierce Timothy’s ears. If you’ve seen Lindsay Lohan’s classic movie, The Parent Trap, then you know how well that went.

Jesse gives Xavier a camcorder he found. In the middle of the night, Evie, who somehow has perfect frizz-free hair, walks downstairs to find Xavier watching his mom’s video. She’s funny and warm, and Xavier pauses it to have a small cry.

The next morning, Jesse and Evie bond over breakfast. Jesse eats spaghetti while Evie eats dry cereal. But when the topic of Xavier’s mom comes up, Jesse stops the whole conversation. “You’ll have to ask Xavier about his mom.” Enter Xavier, shirtless and ready for an adventure.

The adventure has to wait since Evie offers to buy Xavier a new microwave. Remember what we learned last week about foil and microwaves? Her dad is happy to sell it to her and is also hyped up on caffeine pills from taking every shift available in his attempt to make Salesman of the Year. You can do it, Pops!

Xavier drives the three of them out to Dead Man’s Cliff (which is not a Seattle destination, you crazy adventure-goers!). Jesse immediately jumps and Evie is terrified. Watching her look over the edge gave me anxiety and I’m just sitting on my couch!

But Xavier, in his loving, mountain-man way, reassures her. “My mother died while I was at university,” he tells her. And every summer they came to Seattle and she jumped this cliff. And Xavier never jumped with her. But now, with Evie by his side, he’s ready to take the plunge. They do it, and of course, Evie loves it.

Luckily, Jesse’s new ID works and they’re let off with a warning. Except Evie is too angry to care. Her and Xavier fight in front of her house. Xavier is upset because she’s upset and has put her at risk. His solution is to give Jesse a fake passport. Evie sees that this is not a good solution.

Then Xavier does this thing he does every time she’s nervous: He keeps acting like he has everything under control and that he has the best answers. But he doesn’t know better, and I’ll bet that part of this story is that she will teach him about responsibility. At the moment, it’s kinda driving me bonkers.

Evie’s panel goes great. She’s smart, concise, and walks out of the panel when she’s done. Outside, Timothy is waiting for her. His new look doesn’t go over too well. Nice try, buddy. In reality, Evie has left her panel to go see Xavier with a solution to his problem: pack Jesse into a CyberMart box and ship him to Canada. But her car won’t start. So she starts running to his house. (Note: the sequence of these Seattle shots make no sense! You can’t get from the Space Needle to the Fremont Bridge like that!)

Evie also makes amends with Hank. He’s afraid that things will change now that Timothy and Evie have broken up. Evie assures him that things are fine. And Deidre does something nice; she gives Hank an ergonomic chair for his stressed out muscles. Only Deidre could make this moment so awkward and sexual as possible.

And just to put a bow on everything, Evie’s dad makes Salesman Of the Year thanks to a nice man who’s bought 9 washing machines. Of course, it’s Xavier. And how does Xavier plan on using these washing machines? By doing what all sane people would do: foam dance party!!