The Vampire Diaries: Somebody That I Used to Know Recap

Synopsis: To save Bonnie’s life, the gang get together for a good ‘ole fashioned vampire hunt – but the group is none-too-happy with the forced reunion. We also flashback to Bonnie and Enzo’s Stockholm-Syndrome love story.

Rating:★★☆☆☆

If I were Marie Kondo’ing my life like I wish I had the time and willpower to do, I would hold TVD in my hands, thank it for its service in entertaining me throughout my formative years, and dropkick it into the nearest dumpster.

Alas, I have yet to cultivate the inner serenity of KonMarie, so I’m still stuck recapping this joyless husk of a television series.

This week on TVD, Bonnie’s dying from Rayna’s poisonous blood. In order to save her, Damon cuts a deal with the Huntress – if he and da crew can clear her vampire hit list, she’ll sacrifice her last life to save Bonnie’s.

The rest of the episode is spent flitting from place to place tearing out hearts and taking names. Bonnie, Enzo, and Damon team up to take down serial killer vampires although Bonnie still hasn’t forgiven Damon for abandoning her three years ago to wait for Elena.

Meanwhile, Ric and Stefan team up to assassinate more vampires- Ric confesses that he’s not okay with Stefan reappearing in Caroline’s life. After Stefan left, Caroline cobbled together a life with Ric and the twinspawn, and Ric doesn’t want Stefan messing up her (read: his) happiness. Ric has this great speech about how he hopes to be good enough for Caroline because he loves her and he plays the ‘nice guy’ waiting-in-the-wings for crumbs of affection perfectly.

I’ve never disliked Ric so much, and that says something because the other option is Stefan. Luckily, when Stefan tries to apologize to Care at the end of the episode, she snubs him, opting for a Goodnight Moon sesh with the kiddos instead. #ChooseYourselfCaroline

If there is one thing I appreciate about Ric in this scene, it’s that he tells it like it is. Don’t try to get the band back together. Pretty sure the showrunners could also use that advice because this whole ‘cautious peace’ between the characters feels so fake and contrived that the episode turned into a superficial, feel-good montage.

In other news, turns out the Big Bad inside the Armory’s vault is Yvette, one of Enzo’s cousins.

We learn this in between scenes of Bonnie and Enzo’s romance. After the Armory came after Bonners to free Yvette, Enzo kidnapped Bonnie and hid her in a cabin. Over the months, she came to love him (#StockholmSyndrome) and the two became an item. Which was sadly also the best part of this episode. A love story told in less than 10 minutes.