The Vampire Diaries: Moonlight on the Bayou Recap

Synopsis: Stefan’s on the run from Rayna and his travels take him to the Big Easy, where he encounters Klaus. In the meantime, Caroline’s having trouble letting go of her twinspawn, and Enzo’s in deep with another secret society.

Rating: ★★★☆☆ (for insufficient Klaroline)

You heard all the promos right, it’s CROSSOVER TIME!!

(aka my little Klaroline heart is about to burst with glee)

Or I thought it would. The main draw of this episode was in seeing Klaus and Caroline reunite. And… well, they didn’t.

The most we got was a phone call.

But I guess it was a pretty good phone call, because somewhere between offering Caroline baby hand-me-downs and threatening Stefan’s life, Klaus made it clear that Caroline will always be a priority. So much so that he vowed to keep Stefan safe, even though he also told Stefan that if he can’t choose Caroline over his brother, he shouldn’t be with her. Klaus gets Stefan to a witch to solve his Rayna problem, even though he’s pissed that the Salvatores brought a semi-immortal huntress bent on revenge to his doorstep. #GoodGuyKlaus

So a little less swoon worthy, but we always have three years later to look forward to — when a disheveled Caroline shows up in New Orleans with two three-year olds in tow looking for a missing Klaus.

As for the rest of the episode, it mostly consisted of introducing the latest cloak-and-dagger secret supernatural society, The Armo(u)ry.

The Armory likes to collect neat magicky things, so they kidnapped Enzo and enlisted him into helping them put Rayna under lock and key. After that didn’t go so well, Enzo wanted out — but the organization kept him around by promising to tell him about his long-lost family.

Eh. Boring.

Anyway, Enzo tries to get Damon to lure Stefan to the Armory to serve as bait to catch Rayna. When Damon doesn’t want to play Mousetrap, he and Bonnie get tranquilized and thrown in cages. Damon gets thrown in a cage with comatose Tyler Lockwood (WILL NOBODY DIE ON THIS SHOW??) who wakes up, promises to take a chunk out of Damon’s derriere, and turns lupine to do it.

Trapped outside with Enzo, Bonners incapacitates the Cockney turncoat and opens Damon’s cage…just in time to get mauled by Tyler.

Damon saves Bonnie, but not before she cracks her skull open on a window, and thanks to magicky nonsense in the Armory, Damon’s blood won’t heal her.

In the hospital with Bonners, Damon vows that no one else will have to pay for his mistakes, as he’ll ‘take himself out of the equation’ next week. I’m sure it’ll go according to plan.