The Vampire Diaries: Things We Lost in the Fire Recap

Synopsis: Damon’s post hell experience does not go smoothly. In fact, he might have torched Elena’s comatose body while hallucinating.

Rating:?????

Well, I guess we’re just burning the corpse of the show’s flagship character now. That’s cool. Let’s just let any hope of Nina Dobrev’s return go down in flames. It’s whatever. I’m not upset. I’m actually hoping this is still part of Damon’s hellscape.

Last week, Damon returned from the Phoenix stone and promptly massacred all his friends because he believed he was still trapped in purgatory. Quickly realizing his mistake, Damon heals all the humanfolk and Caroline vervains him before he can do any more damage.

When he comes to, Stefan tells Damon that he let Julian take over the town and turn it into a dirty vampire frathouse. Stefan has PTSD from the stone, which manifests itself in the form of Damon hallucinations. Damon ends up hallucinating his Confederate soldier buddy who ends up driving him insane and making Damon burn Elena’s body.

In the meantime, Caroline is throwing a baby shower. She realizes that she’s more attached to her surrogate children than she once thought, which is probably why 3 years in the future she ends up marrying Alaric to be with her witchy twin spawn from The Shining.

Matt is still dealing with his eternal ~~teen angst~~ that he has been for the past seventeen seasons. Seriously, the guy cannot stop complaining about how vampires have ruined his life and taken his town, but for some reason he’s still here. I’m circulating a petition to bring back Lexi and kill Matt in a horrific, permanent accident to get rid of his whiney manchild tantrums.

Matt’s a hot mess who ends up ruining the baby shower by attacking the brunette heretic (I have no idea if it’s Nora or Mary-Louise because they’re always mentioned in the same breath). Then, he gets put in the drunk tank for drunk driving, and eventually ends up helping the mysterious ‘Huntress’ hunt Stefan and gently maim Caroline three years in the future. And my hopes for his horrific end are dashed yet again.

In other news, the brunette heretic ends up getting a postcard with a red ‘X’ in the mail. Turns out it’s a warning that the Huntress, a legendary vampire hunter who traps her victims in the Phoenix stone, is warning her that she’s coming to town. Fingers crossed she cleans up this mess of a season.