Teen Wolf: Status Asthmaticus Recap

Synopsis: Everything is wrong and nothing is okay. Hayden dies, Theo traps/incapacitates everyone in Scott’s pack, kills Scott, and then brings a pack of zombie chimeras back to life.

Rating:★★★★☆

Theo is a snake.

I know he’s hot, and he’s Aria’s little brother from PLL, but he is NOT the boy you take with you to the spring fling unless you anticipate being knocked out and trapped in the library. #Lyds

So a lot happened this episode, but it all boils down to Theo’s evil plot.

Scott refuses to bite Hayden and save her life, so Momma McCall comes in and gives her chelation therapy… which fails. Just as Hayden’s dying, an angry, supermoon-charged Liam tries to kill Scott for not protecting his main squeeze.

How does he corner Scott? Well, Liam lines the school library with mountain ash – which he can touch because he’s a chimera. He betrays Scott and leaves him for dead at Liam’s hands.

Scott, meanwhile, refuses to kill Liam. Because we live in a world of no moral consequences here on Teen Wolf where the stakes aren’t real and every villain gets a slap on their freaking wrist Scooby-Doo style when the gang catches them doing wrong. Unless your name is Allison Argent.

When Mason interrupts Liam’s fight to the death, Theo comes back in and kills Scott.

Well, sorta.

Momma McCall rushes in and desperately resuscitates her son. The golden child lives to fight the non-lethal fight another day.

Theo also announced that he came here to chew gum and kick ass, and he’s all outta gum. Jk, he said he wants to coerce the others into becoming his new pack.

The kicking ass is just a side benefit.

So Theo incapacitates Lyds and stabs her claw-style to reveal the nemeton’s location. Then he gives Stiles the Dark Knight choice between saving his dad and helping Scott. #TheHeroBeaconHillsDeserves (Stiles chooses his dad.) Afterward, he tells Malia he’ll help her kill her mother, then locks her in a room with a weird vampire chimera and lets her fight her way out. Side note: Braeden comes in and saves the day. YAAAAS!

In other news, the Doctors have their first success, which may or may not be a hellhound according to Lydia. Also breaking news, Lydia and Parrish are super cute together and started halfway holding hands in a jail cell. Which is better than how most of my relationships start.

Stiles’ Jeep is finally retired for good (#obviousmetaphor) and we learn Scott was weakened by wolfsbane in his inhaler.

The episode ends with Theo reviving the dead chimeras with Doctor serum at the nemeton, who he then forces to be his zombie pack slaves. The Doctors also reveal a horribly illustrated cartoon of them fighting what appears to be a giant version of Groot.