The Vampire Diaries: I’d Leave My Happy Home for You Recap

Synopsis: It’s time for the bachelor/bachelorette parties for Ric and Jo. Festivities get interrupted when Mommy Salvatore goes off the deep end and almost kills Bonnie and threatens a newly human Elena who now remembers her entire relationship with Damon.

Rating: ★★★★☆

Less than two minutes into the episode, Ric gets kidnapped and a police officer shows up to the hospital and says he needs to talk to Jo about her fiancé. I know what you’re all thinking.

Wasn’t Ric once a semi-decent hunter? Shouldn’t he be able to evade a simple prowler-puts-bag-over-head maneuver?

No, but really. We already know that Ric and Jo aren’t central enough characters to warrant kidnapping so it’s obvious that this is a bachelor/bachelorette party setup.

Which becomes all the more apparent when Jo’s cop tears away his shirt and starts dancing for her, Elena, and Bonnie at the hospital. Which is probably, at best, unsanitary.

Anyway, back at Ric’s bachelor party/rave, Matt’s being all broody and dark (remind me why we can’t kill him and his sour attitude?) and picks a fight with Tyler. We learn that Matt’s on a leave of absence from his police officer deputy training while he recovers from his run in with a wooden stake a few weeks ago. Turns out that Tyler has been ditching his training since Matt’s been gone because he’s afraid that he’ll have to kill someone on the job and trigger his werewolf curse again.

I don’t say this very often, but it looks like Tyler’s being reasonable. After Matt alienates Tyler, he focuses in on Ric. Matt tells Ric that this town is so messed up that after Jo and he get married, he should try to start over. Step one: get the hell out of Mystic Falls.

This is why you’re not invited to parties, Matt.

By a landslide, the other jerk of the week is Mommy Salvatore.

Enzo tattled to Stefan about Lily’s extracurricular head-ripping from last week. What follows is a Stefan-to-Lily intervention about controlling the Ripper urge. It doesn’t go well.

Lily rips a throat in a very public way before she flees, leaving Stefan to clean up the mess while she escapes.

Lily then proceeds to break up Jo’s bachelorette party by stabbing Bonnie in the neck. While she bleeds out on the floor, Lily threatens Jo – but she stops as soon as Jo tells her that she’s pregnant. With twins.

AKA the Gemini coven are going to be looking for these babies to Merge and defeat Kai permanently.

Meanwhile, Delena are talking atop the town clock tower about Elena’s immortality. They ditch the tower and Damon conjures up an illusion of Elena’s old house and plants it in her head while they talk. Elena finally decides to take the Cure, with the understanding that Damon will becomes mortal by drinking her blood soon after.

As soon as she takes the Cure, her compelled memories of Damon come flooding back. Which would be great, except now Lily snapped Damon’s neck and started chasing a human Elena who’s being overwhelmed by these sudden bursts of memory.

Elena stabs Lily in the eye and manages to flee to the back room of the Grill. She manages to escape through the underground tunnel just in time.

When Stefan catches up to Lily, she threatens to kill herself and then tries to kill Stefan. Damon shoves a syringe full of vervain into her neck before she can do any damage. Lily’s now under lock and key, but she still threatens the brothers with her usual creepy rage.

After all this nonsense, Jo and Ric decide to leave after the wedding to keep their kids safe. Then, Elena and Damon talk; Elena remembers Damon doesn’t want to take the Cure, and she tells him to take some time to think about it.

The episode closes with a bitten-up Kai cooking breakfast for all of Mommy Salvatore’s creepy friends, vowing that today’s the day they escape.