Top Ten Most Bizarre Things in True Blood Season 5

I’m not even sure if bizarre is the right word, but True Blood always brings with it many awkward and arousing moments each season. I’m not sure if this season takes the cake for weird, because anyone who has even heard of this show knows just the preliminary information can make a person go what the actual fuck.

10. Feasting on your packmaster
It has to be the most uncomfortable moment as Alcide returns Marcus and the pack hungrily goes for the corpse in some kind of feast of flesh on the post-mortum leader of their pack. It’s not absurd for us to see why Alcide would say no thank you to a serving of raw and old Marcus. Even a sushi lover wouldn’t have week old fish, though I guess we’re not really operating on the same mindset.

9. Lafayette gets mouth-raped by a dull needle
Ok, maybe I’m just incredibly squeamish, which I am, but it was pretty gross to see Lafayette escape Jesus’s crazy ass uncle. I mean, it was already a little bit bizarre that suddenly we were transported into a dank hispanic home littered with candles, ceremonial daggers, and a pregnant sacrificial woman on the ground. But that dull needle sewn mouth was pretty much the last straw for me.

8. Terry’s fire demon guilt
Originally, I thought this story was a little bit lame. I could see the writers reaching for more plot lines for the auxiliary characters, but this was really like the most random interjection of the supernatural. I was almost transported back to Season 1 of Supernatural when Azaezel was tormenting the Winchesters with his fire demon self. But, True Blood ended up making me rather interested in the story. I was glad that there was no weird after-kill moral dilemma once the demon was satisfied and in the end it was a rather interesting story.

7. Fae Bordello!
I love that stripping and erotic dancing is like a past time for most faes. It makes me think of the Asari from Mass Effect, except they are considerably less awesome. I feel like the faes kind of get the short end of the stick in awesomeness, the vampires and werewolves are pretty bad ass on that scale, but what do the faes get? Slutty dancing and weakness? Oh well, I guess they have microwave fingers, but that really hasn’t helped them in surviving, has it? Also their eccentric tribal dancing elder was awesome, just another reason why I hate Russell for killing her.

6. Oddly Arousing Incest
I’m pretty sure someone is going to give me shit about saying that the incest was arousing, but to be fair to my mores, this wasn’t exactly literal incest (aka it wasn’t the Lannisters going at it like rabbits) but rather a metaphorical/vampire incest. I am, of course, talking about Eric and Nora. I just need to say that Eric and his vampire family are my favorite in almost all vampire lore. I loved Godric, he was my favorite; I love Eric, he’s just more realistic and charismatic than Creepy Bill; and I love Nora, not only because she’s played by Maid Marion, but also because she’s just generally an interesting female character.

5. Russell Edgington and his new Beau
Can we talk about how annoying Steve Newlin and Russell Edgington are to me? I know this is unpopular opinion number 1, since most people seem to love their absurdities and their shenanigans, but I have been sick of Russell since the first episode. I know, I know, he’s fun and he’s cocky and he’s interesting, but I frankly don’t give a damn. I enjoyed Steve until he tried to be… well, Russell. In fact, the best part of Russell to me was his relationship with Talbot, this replacement of Talbot with Steve kind of pushed me the wrong way. Their slaughtering of a frat house, kidnapping of Emma, and just being general douches against the Authority were just fodder to me.

4. Tara and Pam’s oddly cool hoe-mance
I have hated Tara for a very very long time. I rejoiced at the idea of her death and lamented the fact that she wasn’t actually gone. However. This season, I cautiously started to fall in love with her, or more specifically her hoe-mance with Pam. I don’t normally approve of the word hoe-mance, but since Pam was actually a hoe and Tara is just a hoe to me, I feel it’s a pretty accurate word. Anyways, Tara and Pam torturing that racist high school bully lit something in me, and that was both pride and glee. I know, I’m sadistic, sue me. But it was pretty hilarious to see Tara serious facing pole dance and Pam looking on like an approving mother hen.

3. Drunk Sookie (aka the best Sookie of them all)
This bitch. At one point in the series, I was on Pam’s side; I was sick of Sookie and her fairy vagina. But oh my god, I loved Drunk Sookie so much. If they started every episode by handing her a shot of Jose Cuervo, it would always be a ball. This season really just made me fall back in love with characters I had started to despise and hated so much that I was considering quitting the show. Yes, drunk Sookie, appear more often in True Blood.

2. Sam loves Sam
What has to be put in as one of the most hilarious scenes ever is Sam holding himself in his arms and comforting himself. I mean, we all know it’s Luna skin walking, but visually we’re all cracking up at home. There’s not even much for me to say on this front other than this was such a perfect little interjection in the season.

1. Suddenly a naked bloody woman aka Lilith
And of course, the awkward naked bloody woman in the room, Lilith. Both horrifying and hilarious, there isn’t actually much to say about this sanguinated woman. She’s not even truly in existence, but definitely brought with her so many catalyst actions that its impossible to not acknowledge her.